Sometimes, I don't know how to pray.
Can I ask for my wildest hope?
I asked my dad about this the other day and he told me a story. Several years ago, he was traveling with a friend whose wife was sick. They met some people who told this friend that they would pray for his wife to be healed by the time he and my dad returned home.
The friend said this: "If she is healed, I will praise God for that. But if she is not, I want you to know this: I will still praise God."
Sometimes we are Jairus. We fall to the feet of Jesus and a miracle happens. And sometimes we are Job. We walk through hard things and we are changed. Either way, it is as Job says, "I had heard rumors about You, but now my eyes have seen You" (Job 42:5)
Over the past month, Lee and I have been both Jairus and Job. We have heard "yes" and we have heard "no." With each answer, another chapter in K's story is written down for us to read.
In the past, I have been timid to pray for big things. Not because I don't think He can, but because I'm afraid He will say no.
But here's what I remembered about my God yesterday: He is Father.
He does not sit on a high mountain and demand more faith in return for favors. As David writes in Psalm 54, "God is my helper; the Lord is the sustainer of my life." He knows the depth of my longing, and He will help me with the tenderness of a caring Daddy.
So, I am learning to ask daringly. And trust that regardless of the answer, it is always good.
Here's what we are praying now. Will you pray boldly with us?
1. That K would be able to eat through her mouth. With a baby who has a tracheostomy, there is a greater risk of aspiration (getting milk into her lungs), and it is also harder for her to suck. Many babies who have tracheostomies also have G-tubes (a feeding tube in the tummy). The Occupational Therapist has worked with her a few times on using a bottle, and while it is difficult for her, she has not aspirated! So, we will keep working! Please pray that K continues to improve, and that she can come home safely without a G-tube.
2. That K would be able to someday use her hands, legs, and feet. She has stiffness in her joints that physical and occupational therapy are working to help. (And they have been doing an amazing job so far-- we are SO thankful for our PT/ OT team!) We have no idea how much she will improve over time, but please pray for K's future mobility.
3. That K's vocal cords would start working. This is a really hard one for me to ask because it is a long shot. Sometimes, babies with bilateral vocal cord paralysis do spontaneously recover, but not always. Also, we have no idea what is causing her vocal cord paralysis, so we have no idea if they can recover. (For K, vocal cord paralysis blocks her airway, which is why she needs her trach.) But, we are asking boldly, and whether the answer is yes or no, we trust that God will use this part of K's story for something good.